A Dish Called Everly
Hello, I’m Gordon Ramsey. Nice to meet you. Today’s meal is a dish called “Everly.” For the main course, we serve Salma Hayek. On the plate, there’s a generous portion of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Commando and a biscuit drenched in Rambo-style blood and gore. To the right, you’ll find a bowl of soup featuring a mix of The Baytown Outlaws and Gotham. Finally, we lightly season the meal with a dash of Japanese weirdness. I’m passing Everly to the next round of Master Chef but will pass on seconds. Alright, it’s just regular ol’ me again – let me explain this analogy in more detail.
A friend I trust recommended Everly to me, and I did enjoy the movie. By saying no to seconds, I mean I won’t be watching it again. While Everly wasn’t entirely for me, I still trust my friend’s taste, and the movie was good. I’m not sure how the meal analogy sounds, but we’re going to unpack each part and analyze the whole dish too. Grab your aprons, reading glasses, or whatever, and let’s continue.
Soup and Seasoning with Everly
Let’s start by discussing the soup and the seasoning. One of the things I liked most about The Baytown Outlaws was how the hit squads progressed. Similarly, Everly has a progression of assassins. It begins with the other “workers” in her building, escalating to a well-dressed bodyguard with an attack-trained Malinois dog. The most unique and long-lasting character is “The Sadist” and his “Masochist” companion. This character gave me vibes of both Gotham and Japanese weirdness. The Sadist reminded me of the dentist character in Gotham, a passionate and theatrical torturer. The Masochist, with his distinctive hair, walk, and voice, brought to mind characters from films like Robo Geisha, The Machine Girl, or Tokyo Gore Police. Japanese weirdness is challenging to describe—you must watch it to understand.
Japanese Weirdness Explained
Now, let’s delve deeper into the concept of “Japanese weirdness,” which I have some unique insights on. I had the chance to study Japanese language and culture under Dr. E. Leslie Williams at Clemson University. You can learn more about him on my website. He held a PhD in Cultural Anthropology from Pittsburgh, spoke five languages (including Japanese), and was a professor well-versed in Japanese culture. I once asked him why Japanese horror movies are so weird. He explained that Japan’s long-standing closed borders led to the development of a unique culture, reflected in their eccentric movies. Unlike the melting pot of America, Japan evolved without external influences for many years. Wrap your dome piece around that.
Commando and Rambo Influence in Everly
Next, let’s move on to the golden baked bread with a shiny layer of butter and that helping of Commando. If you’ve seen Arnold’s Commando from 1985, you know it’s an action-packed classic and a bloodbath. According to The Action Elite, Arnold’s character, Matrix, kills between 87 and 88 people. In contrast, Everly kills around 9 people, as found on Fandom.com, but it feels like much more. My point is that, as a solo character, she wipes out a small army of Yakuza, hence the Commando reference. The blood and gore in Everly reminded me immediately of Rambo. It’s exaggerated and mostly realistic but occasionally clearly CGI. The same applies to Everly, hence my gravy-on-the-biscuit comparison with Rambo.
Salma Hayek’s Role
Now, onto the main course: Salma Hayek. I have two points to make, neither of which are what you might expect. From Dusk Till Dawn is my favorite of Salma’s films, and I’ve painted Santanico Pandemonium before, with plans for another rendering. I think Salma is a great actress and a cool cat, but I don’t see her as an action star. She didn’t seem to fit well in the bloodbath role of Everly.
Rest assured, there’s no shortage of weapons, violence, or foul language in Everly. Salma’s character wields a machine gun I’d never seen before in this action-packed film—the Ultimax 100 Mark 3 with a drum magazine. If you’re into that kind of detail, you can read an in-depth article (with pictures) about all the firearms used here. Besides guns, there are katana swords, knives, tasers, rocket launchers, and grenades. One of my favorite scenes involves a grenade thrown into an elevator full of Yakuza soldiers. When they can’t escape, the grenade does its job, exploding and creating a vertical fan spray of blood from the elevator doors. I’ve never seen that done before.
The second point is the big one. I hope someone out there reading this can answer my question: What’s up with the shoes, or am I losing my mind? It seems like in Desperado (you can read my blog on this film here), there’s a scene focusing on Salma’s character grabbing a pair of high heels. This happens again in Everly, and then again with some old Reeboks. Is this intentional? Is there a backstory? Am I losing my mind? I dig high heels on girls, and one of my wife’s perks is that she wears them. So, maybe it’s just me and I just notice things like this.
Everly’s Timing
Everly was made about 44 years too late for me. If you’ve read any of my blogs, you’ll know I usually prefer things from the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, with a particular fondness for the 70s. There’s a nostalgic element in the time-travel offered in films for me, but another factor is the violence. While I enjoy violent films from the 70s, there’s a comedic playfulness to them—it’s hard to articulate. Modern films, on the other hand, feature such realistic acting, bloody scenes, and intense themes that they have a much more disturbing effect on me. As I age, this bothers me more on a spiritual level. Vintage films don’t do this to me. Everly did invoke some of these feelings in its themes, etc.
Is Everly a Christmas Movie?
You can read my blog on Die Hard here. Why am I bringing up Bruce Willis’s ultimate Christmas movie? Because if you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie, perhaps Everly is, too. One of the key arguments in the Die Hard Christmas movie debate centers around Christmas songs and themes in the film. Everly has both elements as well. Everly’s story is unique, Salma Hayek is cool, and the Japanese elements are intriguing. Overall, this film wasn’t my cup of tea, and I probably won’t watch Everly again, though I do recommend it. You’re invited to follow my journey in art on social media, visit my website, and buy my art here. If you’ve enjoyed this blog or this movie, please share. Peace.