Conan the Barbarian: The Ultimate Warrior
Nothing new here but, Conan the Barbarian is one of my all-time favorites. This is another that no matter how many times it comes on tv or has come on tv, I’ve watched it. I remember as a kid picking up the 5 minutes after the hour channel and watching this one over and over. Conan the Barbarian is certainly one of Arnold’s best roles and this is another case where he, Arnold, was this character. He just had to show up and the magic happened, nothing else needed. Conan barely even spoke. I even had a replica sword from this movie which I gave to my brother for his collection. Anyway, let’s hop on our horses, throw on our armor, grab our warrior girl and ride into this adventure from 1982 – but look out for flying snakes!
Sword and Sorcery Unleashed
In the world of sword and sorcery, it doesn’t get any better than Conan the Barbarian. I’ll go ahead and get this out of the way, there was only one Conan and that’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. In this film genre, I would put this movie number 1, Conan the Destroyer number 2, and Deathstalker at number 3. I’ve blogged about Deathstalker too and you can read my thoughts on this classic here. I also blogged on a not so good David Carradine barbarian movie called The Warrior and The Sorceress which you can find here. Another great film in this world, and character for that matter, is Red Sonya. This is another film I will eventually blog on. Anyway, back to the film at hand, Conan the Barbarian. It has all the elements needed for a great barbarian adventure movie in my opinion. There are swords, sword fighting, cool armor, castles, girls, horses, wizards, witches, and magic. We’ll expound upon some of these things in the following paragraphs.
Why Conan the Barbarian Endures
I don’t want to go too far down this rabbit hole here but, which is better Conan the Barbarian or Conan the Destroyer is a question I was asked recently. I’ll likely blog about the sequel next. I don’t want to write too much on this second Conan film here. Instead, I’ll talk a little more about the plot of this film because it’s the deal breaker. Really, this was more of the Conan story whereas the sequel gets to focus solely on adventure. The answer to the question, I think, lies within this difference. Honestly, I don’t know that I have an opinion. They are both the best in their own way.
The Riddle of Steel: An Epic Theme in Conan the Barbarian
I’m a fan so, there’s not a lot of negative for me to discuss. I suppose I need to find something to complain about though. Rewatching this movie presented one that that I think irritated me the most. Some of the pointless waste camera time to zoom in on an actor’s face glares were just outright silly. Two instances come to mind. The first is when Thulsa Doom, played by James Earl Jones, slowly looks away before decapitating Conan’s mother. The second was when Conan emerges from the cave where he finds his sword. The pose with his knew weapon and the 2 second glare into the camera was just silly to me. I didn’t feel that these glances and gazing poses added to the warrior vibe Conan had.
Another thing that I didn’t see a need for was the sword training montage, at least how it was done. Conan the Barbarian was filmed in 1982 which meant that the ninja craze was starting so, anything involving a sword needed to pay homage to the sword masters of the far East. While I can appreciate this, I felt that it really had no place. I’ve blogged on Enter the Ninja and Ninja III, regarding the ninja craze, and you can read each of these at the linked titles. Conan was from Samaria which was in the middle east. It makes no sense that he would be training with Asians. Geography ain’t my thing but, this didn’t make sense. I feel like the directors threw this in for culture. Barbarians had a completely different fighting style than Asian warriors. Now, let’s get to the good about Conan the Barbarian.
1982’s Cinematic Triumph
I’m not sure why but, plate armor has always intrigued me. From my research, armor clearly evolved over time but, I enjoyed the creativity of armor in Conan the Barbarian. Throughout time, there have been famous suits of armor. For instance, King Henry II of France, Emperor Ferdinand I, and George Clifford the 3rd Earl of Cumberland. You can read more about famous armor, if you’d like, here. Even though these suits were unique and sometimes very ornate, they did not have the creativity of armor in Conan the Barbarian. Of course, costume creativity and battlefield functionality are two different necessities. The weapons also were something to see. The double-fanged serpent dagger was an impressive piece of craftsmanship but, the sword that belonged to Conan’s father was the pinnacle. I think this sword was the coolest one I’ve seen on film, period.
Arnold’s Iconic Role in Conan the Barbarian
While we’re talking about the sword, let’s reflect on the “Riddle of Steel”, which is a running theme in Conan the Barbarian. So, Conan’s father presents this idea to him as a child and explains that he’ll need to know it basically to access heaven. The answer to the riddle, according to Conan’s father, is that steel is the only thing he can trust. At least, this is my interpretation of what he tells his young son. There are people who have thought more into this than me and you can read about this here. Thulsa Doom too is familiar with the riddle and tells Conan that steel is not strong, only the hand that wields it is strong. In the end, we see Conan’s father’s sword break and the broken blade used to decapitate Thulsa Doom. Based on this recap, read on for my thoughts on the riddle.
Conan’s father said steel was the only thing you could trust. Thulsa Doom’s soldier found that the sword would break. Conan later uses the broken sword to decapitate Thulsa Doom. This same sword only took one swing to decapitate Conan’s mother but several good whacks to do the same to Doom. In my opinion, there is more to the riddle, and neither was fully correct. The steel couldn’t be trusted because it broke but, it could be trusted because it still killed. The hand wielding the sword also had duality. Conan ultimately killed Doom but, it took much longer in his hand than it did for his enemy. Perhaps Doom was right. If we lay our car keys and pistol on the counter and never touch them, the pistol nor the vehicle will ever kill anyone – it’s the driver or shooter that will do that.
Magic, Mystics, and Mayhem
The characters in Conan the Barbarian are all unique and very well-developed. Valeria is an awesome warrioress and among the best in the genre. Red Sonya, of course, is the greatest. I do expect, as a side note, to do some Valeria fan art too. Mako plays Conan’s wizard and he’s a great one. There is no cone hat with stars but, he is a wizard, nonetheless. During his adventure, Conan meets a witch as well and the scene is one of the best I’ve ever viewed. It really feels witchy to me. There’s fire, spirits, crawling, and different tongues. This is what I imagine ancient sorcery looked like. Thulsa Doom and his 2 head guards were great villains. I liked that one of the guards, Thorgrim played by Sven-Ole Thorsen, had a huge mallet as a weapon – you don’t see this often.
High Adventure in Conan the Barbarian
Two other things I noticed about this movie, Conan the Barbarian, were some biblical references and the mention of high adventure. We see Conan being crucified on the “Tree of Woe” much like Jesus Christ was crucified on a tree (cross). Also, the arrow being turned into a snake reminded me of the story of Moses and Pharoh’s enchanters doing this with a staff – the weapon becoming a snake. I have always imagined “high adventure” being just like this. Perhaps it’s because this movie set that definition in my mind at a young age. Riding horseback across fields from one castle town to another, sleeping fireside, and hunting your food as you go to the next battle fit perfectly into my idea of adventure. I can only imagine that at some point in history, life was in some ways for some people really like this.
Warriors, Wizards, and Witches
I couldn’t help but laugh in the final scenes. When the group went to rescue the princess, I thought to myself that they were going to an ancient “Diddy Party.” I don’t recall noticing as a kid, but the stew was made of humans and there were human bodies everywhere being processed for food. I don’t think Puff was practicing cannibalism, but the orgy and overindulgence in the pleasures of life was certainly something he was doing. On the silver screen, there are a few things you don’t do. One is killing John Wick’s dog. It’s never a good idea to sleep with the wife of a mafia don and finally, you don’t kill the mother, father, and gf of Conan the Barbarian. So, if you find yourself on a Hollywood movie set, remember this or your character is as good as dead.
Closing thoughts on Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Barbarian was quality through and through. Of course, the film had the actors, writers, and backing to do it. According to IMDB, the budget for this film was 20M. With this budget also came some cool effects for the day. For instance, James Earl Jones (Thulsa Doom) transforms into a snake. It’s clearly fake but very well done. Personally, I think Conan the Barbarian, Commando, Terminator, Terminator II, and Predator are Arnold’s best work. In closing, what do you think is Schwarzenegger’s best role? Also, what does the “riddle of steel” mean to you? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments. Let’s get a conversation started.
Thank you for taking the time to read this artist’s thoughts on Conan the Barbarian. I invite you to follow my art journey on social media, visit my website, and consider supporting and buying my work here. If you liked this blog or the movie, please share. Also, feel free to comment, especially if you are a fan of this one. Keep your eyes on my page, seriously, because there is fan art on deck. I had a great idea – art has spoken to me again – while watching Conan the Barbarian that I plan to make a reality. Peace.