Conan the Destroyer: Sword and Sorcery Adventures Begin
I say this often and often I’m wrong, but I don’t expect this week’s collection of thoughts on Conan the Destroyer to be lengthy. If you read last week, we discussed Conan the Barbarian which is the first part in this movie series. These movies are each unique, and we’ll look at some of the things that establish each of their differences. There are a lot of similarities too. These similitudes are what I expect will make this week’s blog shorter. Sword and Sorcery tends to be Sword and Sorcery. I mentioned the question last week of which movie is better, Conan the Barbarian or Conan the Destroyer. We’ll jump into this first after now having watched these back-to-back. Grab a horse and princess and let’s some hit ice caves and fight some Godzilla monsters in this week’s discussion on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan the Destroyer.
Conan’s Character and Why The Barbarian Wins Out
My final opinion – Conan the Barbarian is the better of the two films. My initial thought was that Conan the Destroyer not needing a character backstory would allow it to focus on high adventure alone. This would create the potential for it to be better film; however, this cost the movie something. I don’t know what the second Conan film lost, but whatever it was pushed it over the edge and into second place for me. I think it’s a total package thing. With The Barbarian, even though there is not so much adventure, there is enough paired with Conan’s origin to make the first movie better. Both Sword and Sorcery tales are the best 2 in the genre hands down. Deathstalker (read my blog on film here) is in third place. Now, on to some unique qualities for this barbarian film.
Weapons of Conan: The Axe and The Sword
Some things that I would have liked to see from Conan the Destroyer are as follows. First, you see Conan with both a battle axe and his sword at the very end. A barbarian had to have a boss sword, this is a given for sword and sorcery movies – check the name. A double edged battleaxe is the next best thing though. Looking back to 80s, there was a popular video game series on Sega Genesis and arcade called Golden Axe. It was released post Conan but impacted my view on Barbarian characters. You can watch a YouTube video with some commentary and a play through here. One of the characters, an elfish Viking, had a battleaxe and it fit the genre so well. I would have liked to see Conan use this weapon more.
Second, how did Conan get the throne, and “troubled brow” mentioned at the end? Why was there no third installment that explained this? Conan fans would have loved to see this movie made and story of high adventure told – I know I would. According to Fandom.com, Conan eventually gets his own kingdom called Aquilonia. You’ll have to read the comic books to find this idea explored. According to an article on Screenrant by Shaurya Thapa (2023), the idea of a third installment is not out of the question, but it seems unlikely due to character rights. I just hope that if this happens, they do it before Arnold is no longer able to return. Like Bela Lugosi as Dracula and Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford, Arnold Schwarzenegger is Conan the Barbarian, and no other film actor will ever be able to fill this role.
Big Stars and Bigger Adventures in Conan the Destroyer
Conan the Destroyer had a lot going for it. According to IMDB, the budget for this movie was 18M and it was filmed in Juarez, Mexico. Not only did the film have the cash, but it also had the stars. Arnold Schwarzenegger was one of the biggest names in the 1980s and he was in the lead role in Conan the Destroyer. Wilt Chamberlin was another big name on this ticket. Most will recognize Wilt from his sports career as a Harlem Globetrotters and NBA player at a staggering height of 7’1” tall (IMDB). To my knowledge, this was the only film Wilt was in, but he directed and wrote for some others. It was almost impossible for Conan the Destroyer to not do well. Cassandra Peterson had some interesting things to say about Wilt in her book, Yours Cruelly, Elvira. You can read my blog on this here.
Wilt Chamberlin’s character, Bombaata, is a must discuss. His height gave the character an edge. For me, Bombaata is what I imagine Goliath to be like. If you’ve ever practiced any kind of combat sport, you know that facing off against someone who has a height advantage can be intimidating. Of course, with height comes the disadvantage of a higher center of gravity. Conan takes advantage of this against Bombaata when he spins and cuts his leg. This would have been the first point of attack for me. Bombaata’s club was always an impressive weapon. Its appearance resembled a vulture. Even as a kid watching this movie, I remember this weapon standing out. I can’t prove this but, I would imagine in days of old that a princess would have had a guard like this around her – an elite fighting machine whose soul job was her protection.
The Princess, The Kiss, and Behind-the-Scenes Awkwardness
Let’s talk about that princess for a minute while we’re here. Princess Jehnna from Conan’s adventure was played by Olivia d’Abo who was only 14 years old at the time of filming Conan the Destroyer. I vaguely remember the 80s because in 1989 I was 7 years old. It must have been awkward for such a young lady to be around some of the leading conversations that took place. Much of her clothing was somewhat revealing. Here’s the real kicker though. She kisses Schwarzenegger on the lips at the end of the movie. I’ve looked around on the net to see if this was fake or not but, I’m not finding anything that says it was. Here’s what I noticed; it seemed like a very awkward scene for both characters. Does anyone out there know any backstory on this? If so, let me know in the comments please.
Fake Effects and Grace Jones: The Green Screen Saga
Speaking of fake, the boat ride was clearly a staged scene for the team on their adventure. It is well done but, it’s clearly a green-screen situation. Another instance in Conan the Destroyer that is completely fake occurs in the final battle against the reanimated monster god. When Grace Jones’ character, Zula, a tribal warrior, throws her javelin at the monster from 100 yards away, it’s clearly not real. The javelin is perfectly accurate which could be legit, but the perfectly straight trajectory is not. Regarding Grace Jones, I’m in no way trashing this lady or her physique because she is in much better shape than me but, her role as Zula was perfect for her whereas her role as an “attractive” vampire in Vamp was not. Read my blog on bloodsucker story here for more details. Again, no hate, and to each their own.
Loyal Companions and a Godzilla-Esque Monster in Conan’s Journey
I just have a few things left to say about Conan the Destroyer. Regarding the animated god, this reminded me of a Godzilla movie with a much shorter monster. My favorite throwback to Gojira was the lighting bolts the monster called down. They are clearly some kind of painting over the top of the film – this is worth checking out just for the cheesy effect. I love the loyalty of Conan’s team. Each must get his approval via a nod before accepting Queen Jehnna’s appointments – that’s respect. I love the wizard’s, Akiro played by Mako, black and white cow threads too. The thief had to be one of the best characters though. As Queen Jehnna says, every court needs a fool. Malak, played by Tracy Walter, was certainly this. I don’t know how he passed the jewels he swallowed and his pose with the defeated monster was the best.
Thank you for taking the time to read this artist’s thoughts on Conan the Destroyer. I invite you to follow my art journey on social media, visit my website, and consider supporting and buying my work here. If you liked this blog or the movie and think Arnold should return for a third installment, please like this blog and share it too. Also, feel free to comment, especially if you are a fan. If anyone out there knows of other good Sword and Sorcery films, please let me know because I love this genre. Also, if anyone has answers to questions, I’ve presented please drop some knowledge in the comments. Peace.